THANDIE NEWTON

Working today with Thandie Newton on location with Run Fatboy Run directed by David Schwimmer and starring, among others, Simon Pegg and David Walliams. I wonder how she came to be called Thandie. I expect the people to ask would be her parents Thtanley and Thuthen.

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR OUTSIDE THE CINEMA: NUMBER ONE

And then when she gets chained to the altar stone by screaming savages, and this gigantic gorilla comes and grabs her and fights off all these dinosaurs, and then when she goes back to New York and the giant gorilla escapes and climbs to the top of the Empire State Building with the girl in his hand… I just thought: THAT’S my life! You know what I mean?

PRISON OVERCROWDING

I have long been pressing the home secretary for reform on this point and it seems to me perfectly clear that the way forward lies in having gap years for prisoners. This would ease overcrowding and mean that they were all off burgling someone else's property.