WINNING THE MAN BOOKER

28 year old Eleanor Catton has become the youngest-ever winner of the Man Booker prize. This could mark the start of a career as successful as the last New Zealander to win the Booker. I’m sure we all remember Keri Hulme. No? Keri Hume?

ARE THEY RELATED?

Has anyone noticed the resemblance between the Russian conductor Valery Gergiev and Trevor from Grand Theft Auto?

RIOTS

I see the government has hit on the cause of last summer's riots. Too much easy access to cheap pasties and second class stamps.

JELLYFISH

Walking on the beach today at Broadstairs. Thought that there'd been a mass stranding of jellyfish, but it turned out they were all discarded French breast implants.

TIGER BAY

In 1913 Cardiff was the biggest coal exporting port in the world, Now, it's all gone, the whole shebang. Every last ship gone, and the whole place regenerated as the Mermaid Quay, replete with trendy bars and cafes. It would be churlish not to see it as improvement. Instead of hard manual labour, half the population of Tiger Bay is now employed serving lattes to the other half.

OSAMA BIN LADEN'S PORN COLLECTION

To be honest I had me doubts about Osama Bin Laden when he murdered three thousand people at the World Trade Centre, but now I've found out he used porn as well I've gone right off him.

THE KINGS SPEECH

Don't know what all the hoo hah is about. It's basically Karate Kid with Speech Therapy instead of Oriental Thumping. Bet you any money it'll be a two-hander in the West End within five years.