JADE GOODY

You can just hear them in the offices of the quality papers, going: "I want a thousand words on Jade Goody - and make sure one of them's zeitgeist. Yeah, and er... stick in iconic and 'tabloid frenzy.' Yeah and we need the phrase 'ghoulish voyeurism' in the same sentence as Sun reader. And er... and er.. best slag off the Daily Mail while you're at it."

MY POLITICAL ACTIVISM

I continue my political activism. Only last week I protested to Thorntons about the inaccurate positioning of the island of Sao Tomé on the back of the packaging of their otherwise excellent Single Origin Collection. Shamed, the company immediately replied to my e-mail. I expect my action will have alleviated suffering throughout the former Portuguese colony at 0 degrees 20 minutes, 10 second north, 6 degrees, 40 minutes 53 seconds east.