DOG HEAT DOG

It's terrible about that police officer and the alsatians that he left in the car. But you know what they say - it's dog heat dog out there. Actually, they should have a statutory body that oversees such cases - then they could call it the Police Dog Watchdog. Jeez, I'll probably have my house firebombed by dog-lovers now. By the way, I live at No. 22, The Arches, Vladivostok.

TRUE ROMANTIC

With St. Valentine's Day coming up, obviously one's thoughts turn to what suitable romantic gesture one should make. The temptation is simply to flash the cash, but love cannot be proved or encapsulated by mere money.

So, Poundland it is then.