IN THE TARDIS


Bar 38 down on West India Quay may be in a building that’s over two hundred years old but the toilet is like SO… modern, with like these like… CIRCULAR urinals. They probably won some design award. The guy who designed them probably lives in a loft conversion and drives a Porsche on the back of that toilet. And I recommend it. It’s the nearest you’ll get to having a wee in the Tardis. You know: that bit in the middle that went up and down whenever Dr. Who took off? It’s just like that. Of course, unlike the Tardis, it does smell of stale piss rather a lot, on account of the fact that with a linear urinal, you only have to smell the bay in front of you and the two on each side. Whereas when you’re pissing in the round, you’re within haling distance of everybody’s wee.

The washbasins are of a similar Time Machine design, and are clearly eco-friendly. In order to save water, for example, there isn’t any – or there wasn’t when I was there. Just what you need to put some truth into that urban myth about the nuts on the bar.


September 10th